1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
