i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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