would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
