he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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