whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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