Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize