I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
