so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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