omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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