yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
