Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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