it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just had sex on a roof
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
