Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
