i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
