dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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