Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
