We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
