I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she looked like the before picture.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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