he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
