Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
