So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
