I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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