Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i will never coherently bang her
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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