I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
