I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
