he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
