I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
