Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
