Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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