guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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