You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
