Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
