I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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