you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
