where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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