I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
