Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So apparently I’m into choking now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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