she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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