I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
