Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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