look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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