She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
