I must be too annoying 4 u.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
