I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
