her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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