I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
