Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
