I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
