Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
