mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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