I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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