my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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