So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
