I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
