Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
