You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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