I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
