She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize