U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
