I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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