i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
