We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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