it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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