I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize