Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
