I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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