I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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