do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
