you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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