WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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